


Will You......

by GemAuthor



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:00:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24180085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GemAuthor/pseuds/GemAuthor
Summary: My take on what could have happened at the hospital last night.
Relationships: Charity Dingle/Vanessa Woodfield
Comments: 2
Kudos: 83





	Will You......

**Author's Note:**

> This is mostly just what I imagined last nights missing scene was going to be like before the ep had even aired. And then it ended up being even longer than any scene would because I got carried away with the things they could say to each other.   
> So basically it’s just a babbling mess if I’m being honest.

“Right, I’m off. Thanks for letting me stay .”

Chas shrugs as she pours the boiling water from the kettle into a mug. “It’s still your pub, Charity. You can stay here whenever you want. You can also work here whenever you want, you know, if you fancy doing that anytime soon.”

”You’re hilarious.....Chas, do you really think she will want me there.”

Chas gives Charity her ‘you’re being an idiot’ smile. “You heard Rhona. She’s been waiting for you to call her. So yes I do think she will want you there.”

Charity nods. “I’ve got a lot of apologising to do haven’t I?”

Chas shakes her head. “I don’t think either of you have. It was a daft misunderstanding and you both had your reasons to behave how you did.”

Charity smiles. “Yeah, I suppose.”

She turns to leave when Chas calls out to her. Charity turns and Chas stares at her before softly saying, “Just remember the Vanessa that shouts and gets angry and acts out isn’t the real Vanessa we know and love.”

Charity nods sharply. “I know that, Chas.”

With that she turns on her heel and runs out the back of the pub. Within a few minutes she’s in her car and on the way to the hospital.   
  


She thinks back to what Chas said and she knows she is right. She knows that the snappy Vanessa that can appear out of nowhere is not the woman she fell in love with. She knows on reflection that Vanessa didn’t see how hurt she was about Johnny and her decision because she was only focused on Johnny.   
  


Since the cancer Vanessa has only had tunnel vision when it comes to certain things. She focuses solely on that issue and that’s all she can think about and talk about. And how she feels about it is gospel. She won’t be told how to feel or how to think. Charity smiles softly as she thinks that actually Vanessa is like that about most things she feels passionately about.

Of course she knows when it’s the cancer talking and when it’s Vanessa talking. More often than not when ‘Cancer Vanessa’, as she has secretly nicknamed her, lashes out the real Vanessa is right behind her with an apology and a declaration of love and appreciation.   
  


She grips the steering wheel tighter and breathes out slowly, trying to fight away the nerves that are clawing through. She hopes Rhona was right when she said Vanessa wants her with her at the hospital. Because now she thinks about it she’s going to not only have to apologise to Vanessa, but to that snotty nurse as well. 

And god she hopes Kerry isn’t there again, because no doubt she’d be made to apologise to too, and that’s one apology she never wants to have to bloody make. 

_~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~_

_I want him. I love him. I mean, he’s my kid”_

Vanessa keeps playing Charity’s words over and over again in her head. How could she have been so blind? How could she have not seen how much this was hurting her?   
  


The thing is Vanessa now feels like all she has done this this cancer nightmare started is hurt Charity. She’s snapped at her. She’s shouted at her. She’s lashed out at her. She hasn’t meant to. The last thing she would ever want to do is hurt Charity. She can’t stand the thought of anyone upsetting Charity. She can’t stand the thought of Charity being in pain and she’s the reason for it.   
  


She thinks back to when she told Charity she loved her a few days ago and Charity replied that it doesn’t always feel that way and she has to fight back a sob. She promised Charity, after Bails had been sent down and Charity was back to herself, that she would never hurt her. That she would always consider her feelings and make sure Charity knew she was loved. And she’s clearly failed her. She’s broken her promise.   
  


So not only had Charity spent the past few days thinking Vanessa doesn’t want her to be Johnny’s guardian if the worst should happen, breaking Charity’s heart, she’s also made Charity doubt her love for her.

There is no one in the world she dislikes as much as she dislikes herself right now. 

The couple opposite laugh and Vanessa looks over at them, filled with envy and sadness. The woman, who is on her last round of chemo, stares at her husband like he hung the moon. Does she snap at her husband? Does she make him feel unloved? Is it just Vanessa has turned into a shadow of her former self because of the monster inside of her?

”Is everything ok, Vanessa?” The nurse asks and she checks the line and the bag hanging to the side of Vanessa’s head.

Vanessa gives her a forced smile and nods her head. “Yes, I’m fine thank you.”

”If you don’t mind me asking, where is your fiancé? She hardly left your side at the hospital when you were in for your operation?”

Vanessa nods and looks down at her engagement ring. “She didn’t. She’s been amazing.”   
  


The nurse tilts her head. “Despite her little bust up in here last week with Kerry, I have to agree with you. So, where is she? It’s not advisable for you to go home alone you know? You need someone to be there with you.”

”She’s....”

”Here. I’m here. Sorry the car park is jammed and I couldn’t get a space.”

Vanessa’s heart skips a beat at the sound of her fiancé’s voice. She slowly looks to her left and a tear slips out of her eyes as she sees her fiancé, still in the same clothes as yesterday, smiling down nervously at her. 

  
_~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
_

The look of pure happiness on Vanessa’s face makes Charity’s legs feel weak with relief. She really does want her here. Rhona wasn’t lying.   
  


“There’s a smaller car park around the back of the hospital that’s always more quiet as not a lot of people know about it. Park there next time,” the nurse says and Charity gives her a small smile.   
  


“Thank you. And I’m sorry about last week.”

The nurse narrows her eyes. “I’m not sure what issues you have with Kerry, but you keep them out of this hospital. Do you understand me?”

Charity grits her teeth. She hates being spoken to like a child but another adult. Remembering where she is and the real reason she is here, for the most important person in her life, instead of biting back she just nods and gives the nurse her best fake smile.   
“Loud and clear.”

The nurse smiles down at Vanessa, gives Charity a sharp look, before walking over to another patient in the corner.   
  


“Hi,” Vanessa says softly, giving her an adorable little wave. It reminds Charity if the wave she gave her when she went to find her after her disastrous proposal attempt.

Charity sits on the chair to Vanessa’s left and Vanessa immediately reaches out to grab at her hand.

”Charity, I’m so goddamn sorry. You have no I idea how sorry I am and how angry I am with myself.”  
  


”Babe, it’s fine. I get it ok? You were scared about Johnny and —“

”Thats not an excuse, Charity,” Vanessa says sadly. “That’s not an excuse. And I’m not just saying sorry about what’s happened with this Johnny situation. I need to say sorry about everything else first.”

Charity frowns. “What do you mean by everything else?”

”Every time I’ve snapped at you. Every time I’ve got angry with you and rejected an idea you’ve had or moaned about things you are doing. I am sorry. You have no idea how angry I am with myself for all of it. I barely slept last night thinking back on the last few weeks and how I have behaved.”

Charity lifts their conjoined hands and kisses the back of Vanessa’s hand softly. Tears spring into Vanessa’s eyes and Charity wishes she could take the pain away. She wishes she could take away the needless anger Vanessa feels. Hell she wishes she could take the cancer and every nasty thing that comes with it away, but right now she can’t. All she can do it try and soothe Vanessa’s worries as much as she can.   
  


“Ness, remember what I said to you that day I brought you here? That I would be your punching bag if you needed me too be?”

”Yes, but that doesn’t—“

”Vanessa, let me finish, ok?”

Vanessa nods and grips onto Charity’s hand even tighter.   
  


“I know how hard this is on you. I know how scared you are and I also know that’s making you lash out.”

”But I shouldn’t be.”

”And I shouldn’t have lashed out and snapped when I was scared or upset about something. We all do it, Ness. I don’t want you getting upset with yourself over it.”

”I am though. You said that it doesn’t always feel like I love you. And remember how I promised after everything with Bails that I wouldn’t hurt you like everyone else has? I’ve broken that promise and I....”

Charity’s heart breaks as tears fill Vanessa’s eyes again and she knows she really needs Vanessa to hear what she has to say. “You haven’t though. You haven’t broken that promise because you haven’t hurt me like they have. No like Cain, Jai, Chris or Declan because they all hurt me on purpose. They did it for their own gain and because they wanted to hurt me. You don’t want to and I know that. Babe, no one has ever loved me like you do. And I know when you snap and get angry that it’s cancer Vanessa talking and not the woman I stupidly and completely love.”

Vanessa’s lips twitch as if she’s trying to hold back a smile. “Cancer Vanessa?”

Charity smiles softly. “Yep, cancer Vanessa. You see I know from the minute you wake up what Vanessa is lying next to me.”

Vanessa smiles properly this time albeit still looking confused. “I don’t understand how?”

Charith smirks. “Well, normally when the alarm goes off you open those beautiful eyes, smile at me and, and well without sounding like one of those cheesy Mills and Boon books Pearl probably reads, the love you have for me shines through your eyes and that smile. And then you give me a glorious morning song.”

Vanessa laughs. “Pearl doesn’t read Mills and Boon. Fifty shades is more Pearl’s favourite genre.”

Charity leans back and gags making Vanessa laugh. “Well that’s more than disturbing.”

Vanessa laughs again and love blooms in Charity’s chest.   
“Anyway, as I was saying, that’s my Vanessa I’m waking up with.”

Vanessa chews her bottom lip, looking worried. “And what is waking up with Cancer Vanessa like? Horrible more than likely knowing how I’ve been behaving.”

”Nope. You still open your eyes and smile and I can still see how much you love me. Instead of jumping on me for a morning snog though you then scrunch up your face and demand I have mint because morning breath is gross.”

Vanessa lets out a small laugh. “Well it isn’t the nicest thing I just love you too much to complain because let’s face it how often do we get to laze around having a snog nowadays without the kids walking in?”

“Hardly ever. I swear the little sods have some kind of sensor and they know when we’re about to have a bit of mummy and mummy time.”

Vanessa smiles and looks at Charity before her expression turns serious. “You do know that cancer Vanessa loves you, right? She just needs to learn to develop a filter.”  
  
Charity squeezes Vanessa’s hand. “She doesn’t. She just needs to fight this...” Charity looks around before whispering, “bastard away and she needs to know that no matter how much she screams and shouts at me I will still love her and I don’t want her ever feeling angry with herself. Ok?”

Vanessa nods through her tears. “I love you, Charity. So much.”

Charity smiles. She will never, ever tire of hearing Vanessa say that. “Right back at ya, babe.”

Vanessa takes a deep breath and looks down at their hands. “Now we need to talk about the most important matter. Johnny.”

_~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~_

Charity places down a cup of tea for herself and for Vanessa on the little table by Vanessa’s chair. Vanessa hadn’t taken her eyes off her as she made them a drink, unable to believe she was really here. After their argument and Charity’s revelation that she sees Johnny as her own, and Vanessa realised how much she has been hurting her, she really thought she’d blown it and lost her for good. That she’d pushed her too far and made her feel as bad as those who came before her.   
  


And yet someone is looking down on here because her beautiful, funny, snarky, loving, amazing fiancé is here. By her side. Being more understanding than Vanessa feels she deserves.   
  


“I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you, Charity. For making you feel how I have.”

Charity sits back down and wiggles her eyebrows. “I shall look forward to hearing how you plan on doing that.”

Vanessa grins. “Your mind is always in the gutter.”

Charity winks. “Always.” Charith takes a sip of her tea and then her expression changes from happy to serious. And nervous. Vanessa can tell by the way her hand slightly shakes as she places down her cup that she’s nervous. “So.....Johnny.”

”First of all, let me apologise again, Charity and please let me speak this time.....I.....I’m mortified at how I behaved. How I overreacted. Now when I think back I heard you say you can’t imagine being able to function without me, but I just didn’t hear it.”

Charity grasps Vanessa’s hand. “Babe, it was a major misunderstanding that let’s face it I could have ended if I’d have spoken up sooner. We’re as bad as each other.”

”This isn’t on you. You kept quiet because you thought that’s what I wanted and you were doing this for me. I am the one who was in the wrong. And I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

Charity leans forward and gently kisses Vanessa’s forehead. “I know. Look we can hash over that until the cows come home. I know you’re sorry. That’s all that matters to me right now. That and you know that I do love him.”

”I know you love him, Charity. I know you do and he loves you too. He adores you. That’s why I asked you first. I really didn’t want Rhona to have him. I just panicked. I even overlooked Tracy and if I’m being honest if I wasn’t with you Tracy would have been my first choice.”

”Can I ask then how the hell you came to ask Rhona?”

”Like I said I was panicking and she called me to see if I wanted to meet up with her and I just thought ‘I’ll ask her’.” Vanessa winces. “Bad I know. Even worse when I think back to when I first asked her she really was hesitant and I pretty much forced her into it.” Vanessa slams her eyes shut and let’s out a groan. “God, I am a stupid cow.”

Charity shakes her hand. “No you’re not. I shouldn’t have called you that.”

Vanessa smiles. “It was the most endearing ‘stupid cow’ I have ever heard.”

Charity smiles. “I’ve also apologised to Rhona. Just so you know.”

”I’m glad. She didn’t mean to cause any harm.”

”I know. In fact I was really honest and said a lot of my problem was because I’m jealous of your friendship sometimes.”

Vanessa is taken aback by that. “What? Why?”

”Because you’ve known each other for so long and you have these little inside jokes and she knows you better than I do and you don’t snap at her as much and—“

”She doesn’t know me better than you. No one does, Charity. Yes she is my best friend, but she doesn’t know me like you. She can’t tell how I’m feeling just by looking at me. She doesn’t know how to make me laugh to get me out of a bad mood. In fact she often makes it worse. She doesn’t know so many little details about me that you know. She may be my best friend, but you are truly my best, best friend. I adore you. And I don’t snap at her because I don’t feel as comfortable with her as I do with you. Same with Tracy. I put on a front with them because I don’t want them to know how I’m feeling. I don’t feel comfortable showing them how scared I am. I do with you. I have never trusted anyone as much as I trust you, I’ve never felt as comfortable or as safe as I do with you. Like I said, I adore you.”

Charity grins. “Rhona said that. She also said everyone else is jealous of us. We’re couple goals, babe.”

Vanessa laughs. “Apparently so.”

Charity takes a deep breath. “So, in regards to Johnny.....You really want me to have him?”

”Yes.”

”Even though I’m not the best mum and don’t have the best track record?”

”You are an amazing mother, Charity. Look at what you do for your kids. You would die for them, kill for them. Yes you have let them down at times but we’ve all let our children down. No parent is perfect. You make them feel safe and loved, and that’s all that matters.”

Charity scoffs. “I’m not so sure about that.”

”It’s true! I....I was never sure whether I should tell you this because you felt enough guilt about what happened with Pierce as it is.”

”Tell me what?” Charity asks, unsure of how that man and what happened has to do with what’s they’re talking about.   
  


“When Pierce had us I could hear Johnny on the baby monitor.”

”I remember you saying.”

”And he would call out for me. He also used to call out for you.”

Charity shakes and Vanessa grips her hand and gives her a stern look. “Don’t. Don’t let that guilt set back in. None of what happened was your fault and I don’t want you to blame yourself. Ok?”

”Ok....Sorry.”

Vanessa takes a deep breath before continuing. She has tried to block out everything that happened with Pierce but Charity needs to hear this. She needs to know.

“Like I said he would call out for you too. One day, the day it all ended, he was really shouting. And Pierce ran upstairs and told him to shut up or he would give him more medicine. Johnny knew it made him sleepy and he said no he wouldn’t have it. He then said.......He said, ‘Mummy Charity said if anyone hurts me or Moses or Noah she will kick their butt cos she loves us. She will come and kick your butt.”

Vanessa leans forward and catches a tear as it slips down Charity's cheek. “You were the first one he saw after he got out of that house and started to come round. He thinks you saved us and I will never correct him. You make him feel safe. You make him feel loved, and he knows you will always fight to protect him.”

”God I love that kid,” Charity says through the tears that are falling freely now.   
  


“I know you do. I never doubted that. I just lost my way a bit. Hearing him say that to Pierce just cemented a decision I’d already made in regards to you and Johnny.”

”That you wanted me to be his guardian? That’s when you thought about it first, when you were with Pierce?”

”No and No.”

Charity looks confused. “I thought you said you wanted me to be his guardian before you askEd Rhona?”

”I never said guardian......What I was going to say that day, and I told a lie when I said I’d been thinking about it since the solicitor because I was going to ask you this in Paris.”

”Ask me what?” Charity asks, almost shouting.

”Ask you....I was going to ask you if.....Will you adopt him?”

”Paris....You were going to ask me that in Paris before you knew about the caner?”

”Yes.”

Vanessa watches as Charity takes that information in. She watches how charity’s expressions goes from shock, to disbelief, to understanding and then to absolute joy. There’s no other word to describe how the look on Charity‘a face right now other than Joy.

“You....I.....Yes! A million times yes.”

Charity leans across the arm of the chair and gives Vanessa the softest kiss she has ever received. One filled with love, hopes, dreams and happiness. Tears stream down both of their faces as they press their foreheads together and just bask in this moment.   
  


After everything they have been through these past few weeks Vanessa feels like everything has finally slotted back into place and now they’ve laid their hearts out they can move forward together. As a family.   
  


“Johnny Dingle,” Charity mutters against her lips. “I love the sound the of that.”

”So do I. I would love to adopt Moses, but he has Ross and obviously Noah is too old now. But know this. I love them as much as I love you and Johnny. You’re not only his family, as I said, you’re all my family too. And I will spend the rest of my life making sure you all know how much I love you all.”

Charity kisses her again. “We love you, too.”

The nurse clears her throat and points up at the bag. “You’re done.”

”Brilliant. That flew by.”

”It does when you have someone with you.” The nurse looks between them. “You look very happy. Just found out you’ve won the lottery have you?”

Vanessa laughs and Charith shakes her head. She gives Vanessa the biggest smile she has ever seen before looking back at the nurse.

”No....We’ve got something no amount of money could buy.......Love.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :)


End file.
